Shaun White:Harbinger of Salvation
by Bubalubagus
Summary: The inspiring tale of how Shaun White became the savior of humanity
1. Chapter 1

It was the year 1993 when it all started, science was advancing faster and faster each day, global travel became simple, communication was practically instantaneous. The humans had become gods of planet earth, and nothing could stop them, or so they thought.

One day some humans took a gorilla from a zoo in Guatemala and put him on a spaceship as a sick practical joke, but when the gorilla returned he was different, he had intellect beyond what any human could imagine, the gorilla hid his knowledge, biding his time until the perfect chance to strike back against his human overlords.

The Gorilla found that he could pass his intelligence on to other gorillas, together they formed an army and took over small town after small town, building their resources. Once they had the equipment necessary to eliminate the humans, they did exactly that, taking over their home country of Guatemala was easy, they had already picked off each town, city, and region they had, all that was left was to take out the government.

Using the new resources they took over nearby countries until they controlled all of south america, the most important place was Cuba, the gorilla's found nuclear missiles there and the gorilla scientists and military strategists started working on their plan to destroy the world. The Gorillas now had more than a little bark to their bite with a couple nukes under their belt, but they couldn't just launch an all out attack.

The Gorillas then used their greatest resource, Brazil. Ever since they took control over it they stopped all exports of the country's goods, now the rest of the world was deprived while the Gorillas prospered, this was just phase one though. The majority of Brazil's exports went to China, and after several failed attempts at communication the Chinese sent people to Brazil to see what was going on.

The gorillas killed all of the Chinese and hijacked their planes and boats, they were able to sneak into china successfully. A handful of specially trained Gorilla's made the ultimate sacrifice, the gorilla special ops team had one mission to fulfill in China, to make it to the country's capital and to set off one of the nuclear bombs.

The gorilla special ops team was successful, Beijing was destroyed and China was crippled. America and Russia were searching for the cause, they didn't know about the Gorilla's existence. The Gorilla special ops team was the perfect scapegoat, they were posed as German Neo Nazis so they could shift the blame to Germany, it was perfect since they could put it off as a hate crime, the Asians would feel personally attacked, especially Japan, ever since world war two the Japanese despised nuclear technology, wanting to stop anyone who would cause such destruction Japan declared war on Germany.

North Korea also joined the war, and russia was on the fence, now that they were all busy destroying each other it took all of the suspicion off of south america. The Gorilla's were now ready for their next phase of attack, they moved Gorilla soldiers disguised as humans to hong kong, where they were able to move easily from China to Britain since Britain controls Hong Kong. The new Gorilla special ops team nukes London, leaving Britain shattered, on top of this the Gorillas sneak out of the country as middle eastern refugees and arrive at phase 3 of their plan, this was one of the most important phases.

While some gorillas were in the middle east, some others had moved to America where they posed as politicians, fooling the American people. The gorillas now controlled America, the first thing they did was kill all humans with high power so no one could overthrow them, they made it all seem like a coincidence, but it wasn't.

There was a reason the Gorillas wanted America, it was nevada, nevada was the key to their victory. The gorillas found the human's nuclear bunkers that the wealthy had built in case something like WWIII happened, the majority of Gorilla civilians moved into these bunkers, but there wasn't enough room for all of them, that was why they were in the middle east.

The other half of Gorillas who had made it into the middle east had sought out Israel for obvious reasons. If they were going to start a nuclear war and wanted to survive, they couldn't do it without Israel, Israel is known for having a giant deflector shield around it. If the Gorillas took over Israel then not only would they be able to avoid destruction, but they could also send the nukes to other countries which would be destroyed.

There was still Russia though, China, America, Germany, Britain, and Israel were all taken over by gorillas, but Russia was still in this. Despite their excellent disguises and acting skills, the Russian spies were somehow able to figure out that super intelligent Gorillas were responsible for this. The Russians had the perfect plan to win however.

Think, who is Russia's greatest ally…. That's correct! Good job on getting that one right! So Russia uses their secret underwater subway system to move their bear army to Canada. Canada is Russia's greatest ally, they had been secretly communicating since the beginning, Alaska becoming a part of the US was all a secret attempt by the Russians to take over America. They planned on doing so by using their Bear army, Canada had a secret Bear army as well and was waiting for the perfect chance to send them into battle. That chance was now, it was the Gorillas versus the Bears and it was anyone's game.

The Gorillas won the fight because they are super gorillas and the bears were just regular bears, Canada was defeated beyond repair, but russia still had a little fight left. Thus started the great nuke war, russia hoped to take out the gorillas in one fell swoop with a massive nuclear strike. But the gorillas had already taken shelter, not only that, they had also excavated all the powerful technology in the countries they controlled.

Russia's nuclear strike left the earth in shambles, all powerhouse countries were damaged beyond repair, the Gorillas had survived though, it seemed as if it was the end for humanity, and the age of Gorillas had begun, but they forgot one thing, one very important thing.

They forgot about Zimbabwe.

Everybody ignored Zimbabwe, it was a weak country, but while they weren't paying attention Zimbabwe became the most powerful country on planet earth. The Gorillas now had to go through Russia and Zimbabwe, and the weren't sure they could get through Russia, much less Zimbabwe.

The Zimbabweans had set up a base on the moon, they had also taken over the ISS which now doubled as a death ray, they decided to take out the Gorillas' Home base in Guatemala, but as it turns out the gorillas were actually able to recreate the Israeli deflector shields and put them in Guatemala, the laser was reflected right back at the ISS.

The laser was unable to sustain it's form for that long though, and after a trip from space and back it wasn't quite as powerful. In a freak accident, the energy left over from the reflected death ray was enough to push the ISS towards the moon as well as scrambling its laser blaster.

The ISS became supercharged and exploded into the moon, the massive amount of death ray energy unleashed blew up the moon, shattering it into huge chunks. The Zimbabweans were all dead, only the Russians were left.

And at the end of all of this, that Moon shards started crashing into the earth, taking out russia, but the gorillas as well. It is now the distant future of 2005, the destruction of the moon has radically changed the climate of earth, there are only a handful of gorillas and humans left, and the human survivors are nothing but a couple of random people who got lucky, it's only a matter of time before the Gorillas finish of the rest of the humans.

The gorillas have been studying human culture and have created a machine that can create fictional characters and bring them to the real world to fight in their armies. Surely there is not a single human capable of standing up to these beings of incredible power, and even if there was, even if mankind was victorious, would they even be able to survive the falling moon shards, the biggest ones have yet to fall, and if they ever do it could eclipse the entire world, ending all life once and for all.

It's up to one survivor to rise as champion of the humans, a pinnacle of power and intellect, the kind of hero that humans used to dream about existing, a man of such incredible pulchritude that he might just be able to save the world. Humanity needed that man, and they just happened to be lucky enough to have him. His name is Shaun White, and this is his story.


	2. Chapter 2

The windswept wastelands of america contained many irregularities under the shattered moon, the radically changed surface created formations of rock in which the few human survivors remaining hid. The survivors liked to stay in packs, strength in numbers, but there was one man who lived secluded from the others.

Shaun White lived alone, his heart was torn apart, he wished so badly that he could relive his glory days. Ever since the moon was destroyed the weather became erratic, some days there were hurricanes, some days there were tornadoes, some days it rained, and some days it snowed.

On the few days where the weather was clear, Shaun would go outside to gather resources so he could keep surviving. On days where it snowed he would go snowboarding, he still had one even after all this time, but if it ever broke he knew how to make new ones. On the days where it was dangerous outside, Shaun would sit inside and play his own video game, to his knowledge it could be the only functioning piece of technology in the world.

Shaun was happy, he had fun, well, about as much fun as you can have in a wasteland. But he still missed the old days, he spent the majority of his free time playing Shaun White Snowboarding, his own game, but there was a deeper reason to this than just the addictive gameplay.

The real reason Shaun played the game was because he missed his old rival Kevin Pierce, and the only way he could continue to face him was in this game, it was the only thing that gave him a thrill. Shaun thought that if there was any chance he could face Kevin one last time, he would do it. But that was just wishful thinking, it was clear out today, if Shaun didn't stock up on supplies while he could it would be big trouble.

Shaun brushed the sheets out of the way as he passed through the entryway to his cave, the sheets acted as some sort of door since he didn't have one. Despite everything that happened, there will still just barely enough plants and animals for Shaun to live off of. The place he lived was actually one of the nicer areas, meaning it was clear of radiation, the damage here was done solely by fallen moon fragments.

Shaun hadn't taken more than a few steps whenever he heard the sound of something rolling in his direction. Shaun turned towards the noise only to find a lightbulb roll to his feet, 'Huh, a lightbulb huh, how did one end up over here, I can't exactly use it because there are light fixtures in my cave, but I could hold on to it, just in case' thought Shaun.

He picked up the lightbulb and went back into the cave to set it down, but that's whenever shit got wack yo. "Hey man, nice place you got here!" said the Lightbulb "WHAT THE FUCK?" screamed Shaun, so startled he dropped the lightbulb "AHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the lightbulb in terror as it prepared for it's imminent death, but Shaun caught it just in time.

"How can you talk? You're a goddamn lightbulb! The radiation must be leaking here as well!" said Shaun "C-Calm down man! I'm a sentient lightbulb, I know that's hard to take in but please just hear me out!" said the Lightbulb.

"Here you out? You're a talking light bulb for fucks sake!" said Shaun "Come on, I came all this way just to find this place, just for a little bit will you please listen to me!" said the lightbulb "Oh jeez, you know what, fine, let's hear what you've got to say, lord knows I need the entertainment." said Shaun.

"Not very encouraging but I'll take what I can get." said the lightbulb "First of all, my name is harold, and I'm a lightbulb." "What a fucking thrill I am having right now." said Shaun "Come on, just have a little patience." said Harold "I've come here because you have electricity, I know that this is going to be a little difficult to believe on top of the whole sentient lightbulb thing, but I can actually sense energy, leading me here."

"Okay, let's say I believe you, I don't believe you, but let's pretend that I do, why is my electricity important?" asked Shaun "Well, I've been looking for a light fixture, I mean, I _am_ a lightbulb, and I would prefer to be plugged in where I belong." said Harold "Hmmm…" said Shaun "But there's an even more important aspect to it then that, you see, I wasn't always a lightbulb, I mean, you and I both know that lightbulbs don't talk, I was actually sealed away in this form a long time ago." said Harold.

"Bruh get the fuck out of here with that anime shit." said Shaun "It's really true though, I was once an alien king with immense power, I defended my people from evil alien warriors who wanted nothing more than to conquer the universe, but one day I was sealed away, I want to gain back my powers and go free my people. If it's any incentive to you, if you unleashed my true form once again I will stop the Moon from crashing into the earth, that's how strong I am." said Harold.

"Okay, so you came all the way over here to tell me jokes?" asked Shaun "Actually that's a great point, I _did_ travel all the way here, across the entire world." said Harold "You know, the same world that's filled with primitive animalistic humans, nuclear radiation, meteorites, super intelligent gorillas, and constant natural disasters. You know, me, the defenseless lightbulb, I would have to be pretty strong to do that!"

"Yeah, alright, that's the most valid point you've made so far." said Shaun "I came here to find an energy source, but it seems that there are no light fixtures here, before I left my home planet, the seers told me that somewhere on earth there would be one light fixture, and that if I was screwed into it I would be free of this curse." said Harold.

"Well if there aren't any here then I guess your business is concluded." said Shaun "Not quite, you see, there is only one other power source I can detect in the entire world, the Gorilla's home base in Guatemala. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not strong enough to defeat them, I'm resilient, but I can't attack them or anything, on top of that they have this device, it's a weapon so powerful I wonder if anyone could make it past it." said Harold.

"As much as I don't care about your problems, I am curious about this secret weapon, we humans are barely holding on, we need every advantage we can get!" said Shaun "It's a machine that can bring a fictional character to life, literally any fictional character, they're building an army of super warriors based off of human fiction, and your people have made some incredibly powerful characters." said Harold.

"What… You said it can bring fictional characters to life?" asked Shaun "Yes, that's exactly what I said." said Harold 'If he's telling the truth then… that means I could finally have the chance to race Kevin again, this is too good to be true…. If he's telling the truth then I could save humanity from destruction, and resurrect my greatest rival.' thought Shaun.

"So you're really being serious with al this, you're not messing with me." asked Shaun "There is so little hope left in this world Shaun, I wouldn't pretend I could help you, the time for jokes is over, you and I both need something from this world before it ends, and if we work together, then we just might get it." said Harold "Well then, if you need an escort to the Gorilla base then I can help you, I'm actually incredible powerful after all." said Shaun.

"I think you've got yourself a deal, but there is one more thing you should know." said Harold "What is it?" asked Shaun "We can't just go straight to the Gorillas, I have more requirements for my transformation than just a light fixture." said Harold "That's pretty important information you were withholding." said Shaun "I've only been here a few minutes… uh… um… hey what the fuck is your name?" asked Harold

"It's Shaun, Shaun White." said Shaun "Ahhh, Shaun White, okay, thing is, the prophecy told me that only the power of a god could unseal me. In this case, we'll have to use the Earth's guardian deity, I don't know who it is, but we have to find the five urns that contain the ashes of the god's channelers. A god requires channelers to be summoned, each one takes a different number, I've been sealed as a lightbulb for thousands of years, I've had plenty of time to do my research on this, I already know where the ashes are held, they still hold the power to channel, so if we bring them to the light fixture then the ritual should be complete." said Harold.

"Oh god, this is gonna be a lot harder than I thought." said Shaun "Don't worry, I can guide you to the location of the ashes," said Harold "Well I guess that does help a little bit, but I doubt we can just walk over there and take it, there are probably guards or something." said Shaun, "That reminds me, how are we going to get there in time, we can't go on foot." said Harold.

"Why can't we go on foot?" asked Shaun "Because that would take way too long, we would be dead by then." said Harold "Falling moon shards, forgot about those for a second, but luckily we don't have to go on foot, we can snowboard there." said Shaun.

"There isn't any snow though." said Harold "Well, I'm no ordinary snowboarder, lack of snow isn't really a big deal to a pro like me." said Shaun. He grabbed Harold, grabbed his snowboard, and went back outside "You can't be serious, you're really going to travel there by snowboard?" asked Harold "Listen pal, you don't realize who you're talking to." said Shaun.

Shaun laid down his snowboard, got on, and just started boardin' baby! "W-Wow, this is incredible! We're going so fast!" said Harold "Yep, even with no snow I can still reach up to 20mph on this thing, and that's only ten percent of my speed in snow." said Shaun "Looks like I found a great partner!" said Harold "Same here" said Shaun

"Well, where's the location of the nearest urn? Asked Shaun, "Um, a few miles northwest of here!" said Harold "Wow, that's pretty close, I guess we got lucky huh?" asked Shaun, "Yeah, I guess we did, full speed ahead!" yelled Harold. Shaun accelerate towards the nearest urn, and towards an epic adventure!


	3. Chapter 3

Shaun blazed across the bleak valley with his buddy Harold while atop a snowboard, Shaun had never really traveled around, it was so surreal to see all of this and realize that this is the same world he always lived in. But even as he passed through the shadow of the valley of death, he feared no evil, because he is motherfucking Shaun White, and he is the most goddamn powerful being in the world.

"We're getting close." said Harold, but as they got closer Shaun saw a small figure ambling towards them in the distance "Wait, I think there's a person out there!" said Shaun "What? A human living in this place?" asked Harold "I think? Whatever the case we have to help them, there are only so many humans left in this world." said Shaun.

They made it to the figure, but they found that he was no longer walking, he was just laying in the dust face down. "Shit, I think he might be dead." said Shaun, but slowly the face down boy lifted his face "I-I'm still alive… please… I don't want to die… help me…." he said. He could barely speak it seemed, probably from the dust he's inhaled in the valley.

"Don't worry kid, I'll get you out of here." said Shaun, he picked up the kid and put him over his shoulder as he mounted his snowboard once more, he could actually get pretty good speed on the dust compared to grass or rock.

"We're almost out of this valley kid, don't worry." said Shaun "How do you think he ended up like this?" asked Harold "Well this _is_ an apocalyptic wasteland, he could have been wandering for days without any food or water, unlike you he actually needs to consume to survive…. Wait, you don't need anything to sustain you right?" asked Shaun "No, I don't" said Harold.

"Alright, I realized that I didn't actually know after I said that, but I guess it's all good." said Shaun, but at that moment, Amon, gatekeeper of hell from Devilman appeared in front of them. "What the fuck?" asked Harold "Oh shit, I love that show!" said Shaun.

"Shaun! This thing's going to kill us!" screamed Harold "No way dude, he's actually a good guy in the show, oh man this is so cool, I actually get to meet Devilman!" said Shaun "Wait, Shaun this has to be one of the fictional characters brought to life by the gorillas!" siad Harold "Well yeah, I mean I kind of assumed that was the case from the start." said Shaun "Shaun you fucking dumbass, they can mind control the characters they've created!" said Harold.

"Oh shit." said Shaun "Enough, I'm going to kill the two of you now." said Amon, finally speaking up "What, no, please don't" asked Harold "Too bad, Giga fucking demon blast!" he yelled, shooting one of his signature Devilman energy beams.

Shaun quickly dismounted his snowboard and held it up to block the blast, "Your snowboard can withstand laser beams?" asked Harold "Of course it can, it has to be strong enough to handle my strength, compared to that this laser is nothing!" "It matters not! I will destroy you, and then I'll go kill every other human on this literally god forsaken rock!" said Amon.

"I don't think so, there's no way you can beat me!" said Shaun "How could a puny human such as yourself hope to defeat a Devilman?" asked Amon "I am no ordinary human, I have been trained in the Jigoku no Sunobodo martial arts, normally a human can only access 30% of their strength, but Jigoku no Sunobodo allows me to use the other 70%." explained Shaun.

"Even with that kind of power you can never defeat me!" said Amon, firing off one of his heat rays, the ray cut across the valley in a blink of an eye, a huge wall of flames appearing in its wake. The flames were as wide as a two lane road, and as the flames dispersed they left behind nothing but a sheet of glass.

"Now do you understand what you're dealing with?" asked Amon "Pfft, is that all that you've got?" asked Shaun "Not good enough for you? Fine, then try this!" said Amon, lunging towards Shaun. He raised both of his arms before delivering a rush of blows, the blinding speed and crushing strength was intended to blitz Shaun, but Shaun was actually able to counter it with his own barrage of punches.

After bashing their fists together for a few minutes Shaun finally got a hit in, Amon's face went back a bit from the force, but he was honestly fine "What? All of that speed and only a tiny bit of power? You really are weak!" said Amon "I just struck the pressure known as Jinchūkyoku, you'll be dead in three seconds." said Shaun.

"What? That's impossible! No one could be that strong! Just who the hell are you?" asked Amon, but he fucking exploded into oblivion before Shaun could say anything "I have no name to give to a monster like you." he said.

"Holy shit…. He fucking died." said Harold "It seems that strength is the only justice left in this world, It is not my wish to kill, but there are those who chose the wrong path, and I must end them if we are to survive." said Shaun.

"Damn, you really are strong, lets get this kid out of here and find a place to rest." said Harold. Shaun once again snowboarded away in search of refuge. Fortunately there are caves pretty much everywhere so they were only searching for about ten seconds.

Shaun gently shook the boy in an attempt to wake him up, he was certainly an unusual looking child, he was chubby, had a bowl haircut, buck teeth, and was totally blinged out all over his body. "Hey kid, wake up" said Shaun, the kid slowly opened his eyes, he squinted at shaun before his eyes grew wide, the boy ran away from him screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHBOIUVOOIVIVDIAPISPDBBAPSOUAVISDPUAGS!" he said "WOW, that is a strong reaction if I've ever seen one, HEY KID, CALM DOWN YOU'RE NOT IN ANY DANGER!" yelled Shaun, the kid stopped and stared at Shaun in disbelief "Jeez, you were dying just a few seconds ago, how do you have the energy to run and scream like that?" asked Shaun.

"Please, if you're really not going to kill me then tell me what's going on?" asked the boy "Well let's start with what's going on with you." said Harold "Yeah, what's your name kid?" asked Shaun "It's Bling Bling Boy." said Bling Bling Boy "Your name is Bling Bling Boy? Like, are you fucking serious?" asked Shaun.

"It's true, that's my name, I-I don't even know how I got here, I just suddenly appeared, then these Gorillas started making noises at me, I'm really easily scared you know? These gorillas were terrifying me, and it just made it worse when they started screeching, they were mad at me for something, I didn't know why, but they threw me in this van along with all these other guys, we were all tied up, but there was an accident, the van got in a wreck, I was the only survivor, after that I just ran, I wandered endlessly hoping to find someone who could save me, and that's when you showed up." said BBB.

"Nice monologue there BBB, we're just gonna call you BBB from now on, listen here, I think I may know what happened to you." said Shaun "What, you think he's a fictional character?" asked Harold "Well yeah, if he just suddenly appeared in the gorillas' home base then that must be what's going on here." said Shaun.

"Here's the deal BBB, we are fighting a war against these gorillas, they have super intelligence, and with that intelligence they built a device that can bring people for other worlds to our own, they mind control them to fight for their cause." said Shaun 'Better to leave out the fictional character part, I wouldn't want to deal with an existential breakdown right now.' thought Shaun.

Harold caught on with what shaun was thinking "Yeah, you aren't fighting us so I guess their mind control didn't work on you, that's probably why they were so mad at you." said Harold "But why didn't it work? What makes me so special?" asked BBB "Nothing really, you said there were other people tied up in the van as well, I guess the mind control device has some margin of error, and they get rid of the failures." said Shaun.

"W-w-w-w-w-what?!" asked BBB, crippled with fear of what might have happened to him, "Yep, you're lucky you got away BBB, or you would be so totally dead right now." said Shaun "Don't worry BBB, there's no place safer then right next to Shaun, he fights a lot of enemies but he won't ever lose, he's super strong!" said Harold.

"PLEASE!" screamed BBB "PLEASE PROTECT ME MR. SHAUN! I'LL DO ANYTHING JUST PLEASE PROTECT ME!" BBB was crying profusely, he was a spoiled obnoxious brat, but now all of that has been taken away from him, and he's just a sniveling, crying little cunt who can't do anything.

"You see harold, this is how you ask me for help, you could take a page out of BBB's book." said Shaun "Come on man, I'm an alien king on a quest to get revenge on his enemies and liberate his people, I have pride and dignity, I can ask for help but I can't beg for it like this." said Harold "Whatever Harold, Hey BBB, stop crying I would never leave you unguarded." said Shaun.

"R-Really?" asked BBB "Well yeah, whether or not this is a good reason is up to you, but there are only a few humans left, a couple hundred at most, I would do anything to preserve the human race, and that includes you, so you can trust me." said Shaun "Thank you Shaun… Thank you so much."

"No more time for sorting out our feelings on the current situation, we're on a schedule, get ready BBB because we're about to attack one of the Gorillas' bases. BBB gulped out of fear and nervousness, he's not accustomed to this way of life yet, but it seems for now Shaun helped him get over himself for now, but will BBB be able to handle the coming violence? Find out, in the next exciting chapter of Shaun White:Harbinger of Salvation!


	4. Chapter 4

In the last chapter of Shaun White:Harbinger of Salvation, Shaun killed Akira, a human who had fused with the gatekeeper of hell Amon in order to become Devilman. They also saved BBB in the process, he's rather useless, but Shaun decided to protect him anyway, now they're finally reaching their destination, the first base set up by Gorilla kind, will our heroes be able to win the fight and get the urn? Find out today!

"Man, you killed everybody already." said Harold "Yep, I sure did, and BBB already got the magic urn." said Shaun "I guess we're done, better move on to the next base." said Harold. "Damn straight." said Shaun "Come on BBB, we're leaving." "O-Okay!" said BBB as he rushed to catch up with Shaun and Harold.

"You know I have to say, in retrospect that was easier than I thought." commented Harold "Yeah, I can't believe I got out of that one alive!" said BBB, but the second those words left his mouth a ginormous laser beam flew down and hit him. The destruction was so insane that it actually created a massive ravine hundreds of feet wide and miles deep.

Lava burst out of the ravine and covered everything in a flood of molten rock, the base they were just in melted into nonexistence and the once barren wasteland was now aglow with the violent light emanating off of the lava. Shaun grabbed Harold and held him tight, Shaun White is completely immune to lava so he acted as a shield for Harold.

"BBB NO! What the fucking hell, who did that!" screamed Shaun, his face contorted with anger "He's up there!" yelled harold. Shaun looked up to see a flying multi winged naked transgender man with no nipples on his tits and also no penis, he was still technically half boy though. "I am satan, you killed my one and only love Akira, and now I will destroy the human race as atonement for your sins!" he said.

"I thought you liked sin, you're satan." said Shaun "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he yelled "Listen man, you just killed BBB, I said I would protect him and now there's one less human on this earth. I've failed to preserve a life that deserved to continue, I didn't know him well, but all humans have the right to life." said Shaun.

"Wow that's a really interesting point, but guess what? I don't care, I'M FUCKING SATAN! LUCIFER! DON'T YOU GET IT? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT BITCH I DO WHAT I WANT!" he screamed and flew down towards Shaun at mach 40 speed. The air current created was enough to blow away all of the lava, clearing the area. In a split second, Shaun saw BBB's body get uncovered, he was somehow unharmed after taking the brunt of the energy blast and then being coated in lava, after confirming that his friend was still alive Shaun turned back to Satan with renewed bloodlust.

Satan was literally one planck length away from hitting Shaun, but he was still fast enough to counterattack. He swiftly jabbed his index finger into Satan's chin "What? What are you doing? What kind of an attack is this?" asked Satan "I just struck the pressure point known as Meimon, your body will bend backwards until it breaks itself in half, snapping your spine." said Shaun.

"AughAUUUUUUGH!" screamed Satan, one may easily mistake him for a JoJo cosplay, that's how fucked his spine was. Satan's head was now touching the ground, Shaun walked around to see his face once more "I wanted to let you suffer before I kill you, considering you almost killed BBB." said Shaun "You fool, you should have just killed me when you had the chance!" said Satan.

Satan's mind controlled demon warriors were summoned to the battlefield "Kill this flea who dares oppose me!" commanded Satan. The demons lunged at Shaun, but he quickly struck each one, shortly after contact with him, the demons exploded. "It seems that your demons are no match for me." said Shaun "F-fine, I'll show you what happens if I use my real power!" said Satan.

One of the remaining demons burst, limbs flying everywhere "There you see! My telekinesis is strong enough to blow apart the body of a demon, which is several times stronger than a human such as yourself!" said Satan "Oh? Who is stronger than who now?" said Shaun "I am you bastard! Demons! Kill him!" said Satan.

The remaining Demons ganged up on Shaun, ready to maul this peon who dared to oppose demonkind, but Shaun suddenly burst into a whirling torrent of punches and kicks "Honsha Bakuretsu Ken!" he yelled, the demons were sent flying and exploded.

"Hahaha, now that you're done dealing with them, my wounds have regenerated, I'm good as new! NOW DIE!" yelled Satan, he tried to use his telekinesis to blow up Shaun's body, but it wasn't working for some reason "It's no use, you're no match for Jigoku no Sunobudo, it is the ultimate martial art, it has no weakness." said Shaun.

"It seems that I can't toy with you before I kill you, I'll just cut to the chase then." said Shaun, Satan was sweating, it was rare for him to backed into a corner like this, but he was still determined to win. Satan charged up another light beam like he shot at BBB and blasted it at Shaun.

"DIE YOU BASTARD! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU IN HELL AND RULE OVER YOU! YOU'LL BE MY SLAVE IN THE NEXT LIFE! IT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE FO-" satan was cut off, the beam should have destroyed everything, but when it made it to Shaun he simply put out his hand and caught the blast. Now holding Satan's energy in his hands Shaun simply dispersed it with the flick of his wrists. "H-How did you?" asked Satan, but he stopped short again whenever Shaun suddenly disappeared.

"Where-" started Satan "Behind you." said Shaun cooly as he jammed his thumbs into Satan's temples "You're already dead." said Shaun "N-No!" he exclaimed in disbelief as his body contorted before it exploded everywhere, his blood and guts rained from the sky as Shaun relished the thrill of murder.

"Jesus Shaun, how did you do that?" asked Harold "I struck the pressure point known as Shigō, it is located on the temples, after being struck you will die in 3 seconds." explained Shaun "Damn, to think that such an incredible power exists, there is nothing like this on my homeworld." said Harold "What's even more incredible is BBB! How did he survive?" asked Shaun.

They ran over to BBB who was unconscious on the ground, Shaun shook him until he woke up "Hey BBB! Get the fuck up!" he said "Uuuuh H-Huh? What?" said BBB in a daze "BBB how the fuck are you alive? You just got hit with the most powerful energy blast I've ever seen!" said Shaun "I-I don't know, I just remember a white light, and then you woke me up." said BBB groggily,

"Well you almost died, I don't know how you lived through that but congratulations." said Harold, all of the sudden BBB's eyes burst open "Wait what?! Where did this ravine and all this lava come from, and all the dead bodies… oh god it's so disgusting… I want to go home!" cried BBB. "I just told you, we were attacked, it was Satan and his army of demons, but don't worry, I killed them all." said Shaun "How did all that happen? How long was I out?" asked BBB "Only a few minutes." said Harold.

"Yeah, I guess time flies when you're ruthlessly slaughtering people." said Shaun "So where to now?" asked BBB "I think that's you Harold, where are we headed?" asked Shaun "West of here, about 900 miles." said Harold "900 MILES!" exclaimed Shaun, "Yeah, it's by the coast" said Harold "Oh my god, 900 miles, that's gonna be about a week by snowboard." said Shaun "Shaun, I realize that 900 miles is really fucking far, but what the hell else are we going to do, it's the closest urn to our location, so I think we should stop wasting time and just get going." said Harold.

So that's exactly what happened, they got on Shaun's snowboard and went west, nothing interesting at all happened on the way there. It's a barren wasteland, they stopped to hunt for food or to take shelter from meteors or bad weather, but there weren't any enemies or anything like that.

So after that incredibly boring trip Shaun and co. arrive at the coast to find a… resort? "This is not right, this is supposed to be an apocalyptic wasteland, why is there a resort here?" asked Shaun. "It's about time you got here." said an unidentified man "Who is that?" asked Harold "Show yourself." commanded Shaun.

"I am the guardian of this base, of course the urn is located here, but you won't get it." said the voice, finally revealing himself the owner of the voice stepped into the open "It's Filthy Frank mother fucker, it's Filthy Frank bitch." said FF "Holy shit, it's Frank!" said Shaun "I guess that's supposed to mean something?" asked BBB "Yes, he's really funny." said Shaun "Oh! Oh! Filthy Frank you're so funny Har har har, I like it when you joke about black people! Hahaha, duhhhhh, I'm stupid, duhhhhhhhhhhh, more funny please, Huhuhuhuhu!" said FF in a demeaning voice "My fans will get no respect from me, I know how you all are." he continued.

"So I guess we're going to have to kill you and take the Urn then huh?" asked harold "You mean I'm going to have to kill him and take the urn?" asked Shaun "Just get on with it!" said BBB "We won't be fighting in the traditional sense, we are going to have a contest, and whoever wins will keep the Urn." said FF "Well what did you have in mind?" asked Shaun.

"A children's card game." said FF "A children's card game? Do you mean YuGiOh?" asked Shaun "Yes! Let's have a duel!" said FF "Um okay?" agreed Shaun "Excellent, pink guy now!" said FF, pink guy ambled in like a retarded flamingo and chained a weight to Frank's leg "What's that for?" asked Shaun "Well, I like to… spice my games up a little, make them interesting, so we are both going to be wearing these weights." explained Frank.

Shaun looked down to see Pink Guy fasten a weight to his leg as well "ey b0ss, am I funny now? Am I finally funny, ey b0ss, this is funny right? Please tell me it is b0ss, I need it, I need somebody to tell me that I'm funny b0ss, b0ss please!" begged Pink Guy hysterically "Is he okay?" asked Harold "Definitely not, anyway let's go to where our duel will take place." said FF.

Shaun, Harold, and BBB followed Frank to a dock "Here is where things get really interesting, this match will take place underwater, so the weights will prevent us from surfacing, only the winner will survive!" said Frank "So it's an underwater YuGiOh death match?" asked Shaun "Exactly" confirmed Frank. It seems that the odds are against Shaun on this one, does he have the dueling skills required to defeat Frank? Find out in the next exciting chapter of Shaun White: Harbinger of Salvation.


End file.
